Scleritis Flare Ups

WARNING
Here's that gross picture of my eye again.
If you're squeamish, look away!

Last night, my left eye began hurting again and I started seeing halos around our string lights. For those of you that don't remember, in September through November, I had a bout of Autoimmune Scleritis misdiagnosed as everything from diabetes to potential metastasizing malignant tumor. It was terribly painful and caused me a lot of headaches, missed work and weight gain as my vision changed and I was unable to see.

My doctor mentioned that, because it was triggered by an immune system response, I had a chance of it reoccurring as episcleritis but had sincerely hoped I'd never have to deal with that.  Too bad it's flaring up again.  I really had hoped it was over.  At least this time, I know how to fix it. I popped a couple NSAIDs (Aleve) and this morning, the haloing is significantly reduced. Hopefully the whole thing will be over in seven to ten days.

Unfortunately, it doesn't make me any less stressed out about the whole thing. It could get worse or my vision could change again. I just hope I've caught it early enough.  The pain is actually manageable but the halos?  God those things are terrifying, particularly since they're just in one eye.  Even with both eyes open, I can tell that my left eye is the only one experiencing these symptoms.

Get a scratch on your cornea from dust just once.  Deal with the ramifications for the rest of your life.  Kind of feels like I'm cursed, doesn't it?

Having a recurring bout of this has reminded me of how I felt from September to November of last year.  I consider myself an ISTJ, but I definitely found my extroverted side when I got sick.   For the first time in my life, I felt like I really needed people.  While I did have my husband Aaron, he couldn't stay home with me.  He had to go to work and maintain his obligations.  And me?  I couldn't even see to work, let alone drive or watch the TV.  It was a mess.  I spent most days just lounging around on the couch trying to figure out how to keep myself occupied.  I would have given anything for someone to randomly show up on my doorstep and give me a hug, but I ended up spending much of the three months relatively alone.

I think a lot of people felt like they were connecting with me because they'd leave me a comment on Facebook or send me a text.  That wasn't the kind of connection I was looking for, or even one I could see very well most of the time.  I could have really used an actual shoulder or a good, hearty, in-person laugh.  I needed a distraction and I couldn't find one.

I think this might be a strong root cause for the deactivation of my Facebook account.  By removing myself from Facebook, it now forces those interested to connect with me in a much more meaningful and potentially "real" way. And it honestly does the same thing for me. I'm tired of living behind a photo of myself and some typed words (even if that's exactly what I'm doing right now).  Maybe I'll actually get out and live a little, when I can see anyway.

That short period where I was running through testing for MS or a pituitary gland tumor changed me. Maybe for the worst as I expect more from people now. My frustrations with others' lack of involvement in my life have left me bitter over the past few weeks and it's something I'm simply going to have to get over.  But I have to believe that the experience has also bettered me, as I expect more from myself. And that's the real story there.