Facebook Page Deactivation Q&A

A sudden and needed goal of mine that developed in the last few days of 2013 was the need to rid myself of Facebook.  Instead of slowly working this into my 2014 goals, I'm planning to rip the band aid off as soon as January 7th.  I have posted a notification on my page with means to contact me, but I have noticed a few questions pop up over the past few days.  Here's a compilation of questions and answers about my Facebook Deactivation:

Q. Where can I find you once your Facebook is deactivated?

• E-mail
• artist@mdartist.com
• Website
• www.mdartist.com
• Blogs
• The Progressive Planner (for general life)
• http://theprogressiveplanner.blogspot.com/
• Witchy Words (for religion and spirituality)
• http://witchywords.blogspot.com/
• Social Network
• MyFitnessPal
• http://www.myfitnesspal.com/user/mariettadelene/status
• Pinterests
• Witchy Words
• http://www.pinterest.com/witchywords/
• Fit For Fourteen
• http://www.pinterest.com/fitforfourteen/
• Chat Programs
• Trillian
• mdartist
• AIM
• mwilliamsartist
• Google Talk
• marietta.artist@gmail.com
• Skype
• MariettaDelene
• Phone Number
• For select individuals I've talked to on a semi-regular basis, I'd be happy to hand you my cell number.  Please e-mail me if you'd like it.  I have unlimited texts, so I'd love to hear from you!

Q. Will your professional pages Concepts and Caricatures and Witchy Words still stay available?
A. Yes. They will now be managed by my husband.

Q. Why are you choosing to deactive your profile?
A. Facebook has been the center of all things negative in my life.  For one, I spend way too much time connected to Facebook when I could be doing other things.   It's my chief time-waster, a true obsession, and I'll be happy to gain all that free time back!  Secondly, it has been the root of all of my friendship woes and frustrations about my personal life from over-comparison.  Finally, I rely on Facebook as a means of "coworker" socialization since I get none of it as a freelance artist but I find that, while I've made several real connections, it still comes out to only a small percentage of the 3000+ people I've networked with over the years. Those whom I've truly formed lasting connections with will make an effort to show up somewhere else in my life.  These three reasons make absolutely necessary the deactivation of my profile.  I fully believe it will lead to a happier, better, more carefree life.  And since one of my health goals for 2014 involves managing my stress, this seems only logical.  Besides, sometimes it's just good to disconnect.

Q. Are you deleting all of your posts or just deactiving?
A. I'm just deactivating.  While I may over-share on Facebook, there's nothing on there that you couldn't find here.  Or really anywhere else I am on the internet.  That doesn't mean that I haven't privatized everything and am removing photos in the process.  If you recently discovered that you've been put on restricted viewing since Sunday, December 29th, know that I have slowly been moving all of my friends to restricted viewing as I begin the deactivation process.  This is not a personal target; it just makes the work a little easier for me.

Q. Because you're simply deactivating, would you ever consider reactivating your page in the future?
A. After a full twelve months of removing myself from that network, if I feel the need to reactivate it, I will do so on an extremely limited basis.  There would be no status updates, no photo updates and only the very, very few profile picture changes or life event notifications.  However, I don't see Facebook to be all that important in the long run.  All of those are things you could easily get right here.  In the foreseeable future, I absolutely do not plan to return.

Q. Couldn't you just practice moderation?
A. I could attempt to, but I know myself too well.  If I have a slice of cake, I want the whole cake.  I could install programs to limit my time on Facebook, but inevitably I would remove them.  I am keeping my professional pages, which means I will still have a Facebook presence.  Just a significantly smaller one.

Q. Are you really deactivating? (Also: Aren't you just deactivating for attention?)
A. No.  Actually quite the opposite.  The few days prior to making this decision have been full of far too much attention.  I'm really quite relieved that it will be over shortly.  That being said, I don't want to miss out on the people I really love talking to.  That's why I'm waiting until January 7th to fully deactivate.

Q. I love seeing pictures of your pets.  Where will I be able to find them once you're not on Facebook anymore?
A. I got this one quite a bit! I was surprised that so many people were interested in those crazy, obsessive pictures I post.  My answer? Here and at my Witchy Words blog.  It may be more of a weekly or twice-weekly occurrence rather than an every day thing, but I promise that you won't miss out on the very best moments of my fuzzy babies.  If it becomes too distracting from the subject matter, I may create a separate blog dedicated just to them.  They are pretty amazing, after all.

Q. What about the Circle of Open Traditions group on Facebook?
A. As part of my desire to manage my stress this year, I'm resigning as Circle Coordinator and passing the reigns to Alex and Stacey.  Because most members of the circle live in the same apartment complex, it makes far more sense for someone from that group to coordinate events anyway.

Q. What about the Fit for Fourteen group on Facebook?
A. I know I just started that and many were eager to join in.  I have officially moved that group over to MyFitnessPal.  You can view and join that group by clicking here.

Q. Are you keeping your individual pet pages?
A. Those pages were created in order to sort pictures of my fuzzy babies since I post a ridiculous amount.  It made it to where, if I wanted to find a specific picture of, say, Zeus, all I had to do was go to his profile and search the photos he was tagged in.  It made my life easier at times.  However, that was truly their only purpose. While they will not be deactivated, I will not be logging on to update them.

If you have any more questions, please let me know here!  I will be posting this and my status about deactivating my Facebook daily until January 7th, which I hope will give everyone interested plenty of time to connect with me in other ways.  I hope to see you around!

2014 Personal Goals: No More Repeats!

Last year, a lot of my personal goals were actually repeats from other sections.  I didn't have anything I really wanted to do for myself.  This year, I'm trying to change that.

My first personal goal for 2014 is to Begin a Balcony and Indoor Garden.  I've already kind of begun.  Currently, my indoor garden houses green onions, mint and aloe.  But that's just the tip of the iceberg! I want to try my hand at basil, bay, sage, cucumber, carrots, leaf lettuce, tomato, spinach, blueberries, a citrus tree (lemon?) and garlic.  Phew!  That's a lot of stuff!  Things like basil, bay and sage can all be indoors, so I can start those at any time next year.  However, everything else has to be outdoors.  I really cannot wait to do this!

In order to get this started, I need to begin researching when to plant which items, how long they're in season and how long it takes for them to grow.  By doing this, I can determine how many plants I should try for in which months and come up with a suitable table that will help me achieve this.  I'm bound to flop on a few plants.  Some may never get started while others may never come to fruition. That's okay!  The point is trying.  It might save me some money or it may not, but it'll definitely be enjoyable and a stress reliever!

My second goal comes from something I bought last year during my weight loss journey.  In 2014, I would like to Complete a Wreck This Journal.  These things are so neat!  They bring out the child in you with goals such as "Take this book with you in the shower" or "Wipe this page on a dirty car."  I'll need to select which Wreck This I'll be attempting and divide the pages up over each month to determine how many pages I should do a month to complete it.  I'll even post pictures along the way!  I'm terribly excited to get this started as well.

So plugging that in to my goal table:

And again with my monthly goal template:

PERSONAL - 0% Complete

Add X new plants to my garden. – 0% complete.

Complete X pages of my Wreck This Journal. – 0% complete.

Some notes:  None.

And so it begins!

Next time on The Progressive Planner:

My 2014 Relationship Goals.

Question for my readers:

What are your 2014 personal goals?

Looking Forward

My husband has been in Michigan all week for training.  In just two short days, he'll be back home, even if "home" is currently the most temporary thing in our lives.  When I asked him how he likes his job so far, he told me he actually really loves it.  Music to my ears, particularly during this chaotic week.

I'm currently sitting here sweating at my desk.  The AC in the rental house is out again for the third time.  I can't wait to live in a place where I can just call a maintenance guy.  And, honestly, even if maintenance isn't fantastic, I can figure an apartment AC out a lot better than the archaic thing we have in the downstairs boiler room.  I honestly wonder if that thing is even powerful enough to cool the house we live in.  Wait, no, I know it isn't because my roommates live on the top floor and it's always sweltering up there.  I think it breaks down so much because it gets overworked.  Despite that, it's significantly cooler tonight.  Not looking forward to packing the kitchen tomorrow in the heat, but I'll cope.

I'm also coping with packing and working at the same time while Aaron's away.  It's tough.  I feel like I need a spare me to get everything done - particularly my commissions, which no doubt are suffering from goingtobelateosis.  I don't like being late on anything.  It makes me feel unprofessional.  Of course, I always give notice and my commissioners have always been so understanding.  Couldn't ask for a better job.

So while I'm in the middle of a bit of chaos, albeit optimistic chaos, I'd like to take a moment to look forward to the future.  Since Aaron's job seems to be working out well, we have some things on a list that we're in desperate need of replacing.  One of them is a part of one of my major goals this year - we need a new mattress, box spring and set of pillows.  Aaron and I have spent the last few years duct taping springs back into his decade old, or maybe even older, mattress.  A couple months ago, I got jabbed to the point of blood.  Never mind that some of the pillows I have came from my grandmother who passed away when I was 12.  You can feel the cotton in them clumped.  I spend many a night sleeping on our futon or my roommate's couch than I do my own bed because it's not comfortable, nor does it feel sanitary given its age.  However, because our previous finances, a mattress just never seemed possible.

Not getting a new mattress was one of the many financial "sacrifices" Aaron and I made every year.  We'd take a look at our budget every year, try to work it in, and then something would explode and we'd scrap the idea.  Not this year.  Instead of moving our old, worn out and broken mattress to the new apartment, we're trashing it and getting a new mattress the first week.  I'm super excited to sleep on a fresh, clean, comfortable mattress!

In addition, my digital camera failed me last December.  This was something I'd had on our list of things to buy this year but scrapped it to pay for car repairs for Aaron.  I'd like to get something decent but still point-and-shoot.  Something that would work great for photographing sabbat celebrations for Witchy Words.

After getting the new mattress and camera, we'll probably batten down the hatches and hold out for late November.  During that time, we'll be able to save up more than I've ever thought possible - in fact, I anticipate having our target savings for the year completed by the time Aaron rounds out his 90 days.  In addition, I really want to make sure this job is a good fit and that his company views Aaron as an asset.  We'll know that by the end of November.  And what better way to celebrate it than participating in our first Black Friday ever!

A few years ago, I invested in a cheap laptop.  The lemon of a thing maybe lasted me 6 months before I was mailing it off for repairs.  When I got it back, it was in even worse shape.  I've taken with me on long trips and dealt with its issues, but it's to the point now where it's not even feasible for me to work on it.  As it is right now, it works to watch workout videos but pretty much nothing else, and that's when you can get the stupid thing to turn on. I desperately need a new laptop.  Being able to work away from home or, hell, even in a different room of the apartment, would be fantastic.  It's something I'm regretting I don't have right now while I sit here in the heat.  I could be downstairs if that damn thing worked.  So there's something I'd like to invest in this year.  This will be my Christmas gift to myself.

Something's wrong with our TV's RCA connection.  Has been for about two years.  We haven't been able to hook up anything that requires it, like a DVD player or some of our game systems, because you don't get sound when you do.  It'd been a problem we've dealt with by simply avoiding it.  This year, I'd like to get a simple, cheap flat screen that actually has working hook-ups!  That will be my Christmas gift to Aaron.

The final thing I'm wanting this year is something I wanted ever since Aaron picked up our first cat, Nyx: a cat tree.  A nice one.  Something tall that Hermes can climb up and hide near the ceiling.  Something that has a stern base so Zeus can take his claws to it.  Something that I can hang toys off of, or drench in catnip.  Artie, my dog, has all the toys in the world and more sweaters than I can even count.  It's time I do something for the cats more than bell balls, feather toys and the occasional catnip dump in the entry way.  That will be my Christmas gift to my fuzzy babies.

And of course there's a few small things sprinkled into all of that.  The pets have their yearly vetting coming up this September/October.  I'd like to find out what I can do for Zeus's asthma and get Hermes a blood test - he hasn't had one since we first got him.  I'd like to go to the Six-Week Slim Down course for the fall session.  I didn't last year and my weight suffered.  I'd also like to invest in some wall shelves for my spiritual room at the apartment.

So quickly and for future reference, here's some items I'd like to have purchased before the year is over:

• Mattress Done!
• Box spring Done!
• Four pillows Done!
• A new sheet and comforter set Done!
• A digital camera
• Laptop Done!
• TV
• Cat tree

The last month of the year will be light.  All the Christmas gifts will be bought and we'll be back to saving again.  Heck, even buying everything I want to buy, we'll still have some spare to save.  At the beginning of the year, I'd like to reassess our finances and our savings.  If we have spare money, I want to throw it at the higher interest student loans Aaron has.

Previously, I made a list of things I want to do next year.  Some ideal goals to achieve for 2014.  I'd like to bring that back and add some things to the list.

Become an active participant in the KC Pagan Community (spiritual).

Attempt to attend all sabbat rituals led by Lushede Grove.

Attend at least four Coffee Covens.

Attend at least two Mystic Treasures classes.

Get my own health insurance, either through Aaron or myself. (health/financial).

Begin looking into investing money and retirement options as a freelancing illustrator (financial/career).

Buy a dining room table (home/financial).

Begin thrift shopping again and update Thrifty Difty (personal).

Make an effort for a weekly post.

Begin a balcony/indoor garden growing the following (health/spiritual).

Herbs: Basil, bay, mint, sage.

Vegetables: Cucumber, carrots, leaf lettuce, tomato, spinach.

Fruit: Blueberries, lemon tree.

Other: Aloe, garlic.

Buy our first tent so we can camp more often (relationship/financial).

Swap all of our storage items and memory boxes from cardboard to tupperware and reorganize (home).

Be able to speak basic Spanish again by taking two courses at the local community college (knowledge).

Spring: Elementary Spanish 1

Fall: Elementary Spanish 2, Latin American Humanities.

Continue in 2015 by taking Intermediate Spanish 1 & 2, and interpreting courses.

Learn how to swim (health).

Attend one convention related to my career (career).

Get a set of armchairs (home/financial).

Maintain savings and add an additional 20% (financial).

Complete a Wreck This Journal (personal).

Pay off 1/3rd of Aaron's student loans, starting with the highest interest (financial).

Crapstorm 2013

2012 knocked on my door about two weeks ago.  Nearly every catastrophe that happened last year is happening again.  Losing place to live?  Check.  Huge four-digit car repair bill? Check.  Bad, costly health news?  Check.

Where to begin.

I've always been aware that our living situation was temporary.  I've never been more grateful for what we've got.  Unfortunately, the ride is over.  About two weeks ago, we got word that we would need to be out by the end of August.  Aaron and I have been trying to scrape together every penny to make a successful down payment on a decent place, and we would have had it too if his car hadn't bitten the big one.

Only a day after getting that news, we got stranded in the airport terminal trying to pick up a friend because his car randomly wouldn't start.  A tow truck, a lost terminal card and $1400 later and it's fixed.  There was obviously a lot more than just the starter wrong - some of it we knew about and just had fixed anyway.  Nonetheless, there goes the down payment on a place to live.

Not that that matters much.  The top place on our list decided they no longer take huskies, after telling me on a phone call and  in person the first time I saw the place that they did.  Turns out, next-to-nill townhouses with adequate space in the KC area take huskies.  That's a huge problem since my best friend owns one.  We've started looking at renting houses, but the monthly rent is just too high.  Townhouses here tend to stay just under 1k, but houses almost immediately jump to $1200.  Seems freaking impossible.

On top of the costs, my yearly auto insurance bill came in, so that's another four-digit chunk out of my account.  And I finally went to see a dentist.  That's getting pretty costly too, since apparently I neglected the hell out of my teeth and our dental insurance doesn't cover as much as I wish it did.  Every visit is around $150 for what I need.  Ouch.  That and I do actually have my wisdom teeth.  They're completely impacted.  Insurance only pays 50% of that costly surgery.  That's completely and totally out.  Not happening.  Can't afford it.

A few nights ago, a spring in our mattress poked through.  This isn't the first time it's happened.  We've already flipped our mattress for an impossible spring pop and it's full of duct tape patches.  Aaron patched it last night, but this morning, it ripped through my PJ pants and stabbed my leg.  It wasn't bad enough for an ER, but there was quite a bit of blood involved.  That also means we need to officially buy a new mattress.

With what money?

So I started applying for a second job pretty much anywhere a week or so ago.  I don't know what else to do.  I had a pretty successful few interviews the past week, but of course none of them are anywhere near my field.  Everything in my instincts tells me to just buck it up.  That 80 hour work weeks won't be that tough and that it's really the only option at this point.

But is it really worth it to lose everything?  Right when I was beginning to love my life and get involved with things that make me happy, I suddenly have to cut it all off.  The volunteering, the Circle, the exercise.  When will I have time for it?

If I get a call back for any of these jobs, I have a big decision to make: to turn it down and continue with the goals I've set for myself this year, or to take the job and risk losing everything due to stress and lack of time.

This also includes being unable to complete my needed dental work since they're only open Monday-Thursday 10-5 and I'll have to work then.  It means not going to see an endo because I won't be able to take a few hours off.  It means sacrificing not only my spiritual and emotional happiness but my health as well.  How worth it is that?

At the same time, all Aaron and I have ever done is splashed around in the water, bobbing up just enough to catch a breath before being raked under again.  It'd be nice to get on a raft during this flood.  A second job could provide that.  But at what cost?

I will do a check-in as soon as I can figure out how to manage this explosion.

Weight loss success and many updates.

Ugh, seriously. What was I thinking with that haircut back then?

My weight loss adventure: 32 pounds down, 20 to go. I'm well over halfway through my journey! This time last year, I'd lost my first 10 and I just could not see a difference. I'm definitely seeing it today. I feel like the person in the photo to the right isn't even the same as the one on the left! On top of that, my best friend and I went bra shopping just shortly after she took that photo.  I'm still a 38 in the strap, but I could definitely see me going down to the 36 before it's over.  I tried on a 36 in the store and it was just a tiny, tiny bit too tight.  A bigger bonus?  It was a D.  I'm going to be a 36D.  To all the people who teased me about being flat chested in high school: Suck on THAT!

Although I was actually in training bras throughout high school.  Shhhh.  I was a late bloomer. Anyway...

Speaking of my best friend, this is a group photo of myself, my husband Aaron, her boyfriend Eric and my best friend Charli (ironically also the set for one of my "before" pictures).  Charli and I met in middle school and she was quite literally my saving grace.  I was struggling with bullies and she taught me how to deal with them.  I attribute my strong will and stubborn attitude to her.  After high school, she followed her dreams of becoming an animator and went to school up near Chicago.  Once she graduated with her BFA she stayed there.  For years, she'd talked about moving back to KC for a cheaper cost of living but it just never seemed to work out.  This year, she put an expiration date on Chicago.  We moved her and her boyfriend down over the weekend of June 1st.

Both Charli and I have had multiple roommates in the past and we've both had somewhat negative experiences. Both of us are cautiously entering the world of roommatedom.  Aaron and I have a roommate agreement that we all signed.  We also have a chore chart, which is actually working out amazingly well.   It's nice to have another person in the house who can cook, taking the pressure off of Aaron from time to time.  I can't cook for beans and my diet almost exclusively requires me to do so.  Not only that, but Charli's diet is very similar to mine.  It makes things much easier.

Friday was a particularly good day.  We had a fantastic morning, Charli and I went shopping for the better part of the evening, then we all went on a double date to Granite City for the night.  If that's foreshadowing how living together will work out, bring it on!

Other than moving Charli in and losing weight, things have been slow.  Every year, I suffer burnout for about a month and a half and a "career crisis" for about a month, though usually not at the same time.  This year, they both hit and it was a double whammy I'm still trying to get over.  Nothing like feeling overworked and thinking your time as a freelancing artist has expired.  It was a tough blow to my already usually low ego to realize I have very few "useful" skills outside of drawing.  I'm over the career crisis now, but should I ever decide to change careers in the future, I will definitely have to go back to school.  Since I already have a BA, I won't be able to get the financial aid I received previously.  That means loans.  And Aaron's student loans already kill us enough as it is.  Might just be better to be a housewife at that point, lol.

And no, despite my mother-in-law's speculation, I am not currently a housewife.  I do work, and very hard might I add.

... Just not apparently when I'm suffering a burnout.

That being said, I have a few cushions I've been using the past month and a half to get by.  The first is probably the cause of my burnout in the first place - I'm well over my target income for 2013 at this point.  I'd have to fully take off another month to be even on target.  That's why I don't feel nearly as pressured to hop back on if I don't feel up to it.  The second cushion has been caricature gigs.  I market myself as a character designer and caricaturist but, this year, I've been heavily focusing character design.  When I noticed signs of burnout, I started to take more caricature gigs.  Instead of working at my own pace from home over the week, I spend time over the weekend at parties drawing people.  It's a nice change and keeps us from going too broke over the burnout months.  Plus, I'm a pretty rocking party artist if I do say so myself.  Two-and-a-half minutes gets you one of my bad boys.

Don't make a face! I will draw it in there.

Today was an odd day - I had my first hypocoma in months.  Slept all the way until 5 pm, went back to bed around 8 and slept until 1 am.  Even for the three hours I was awake, I was in a fog.  I spent a lot of time slumped in my chair in front of my computer staring off into a distance.  When I did interact, I was unintentionally snippy.  We visited my in-laws to pick up a tent for an upcoming holiday, Midsummer.  While there, I bent over to pick up a box and the tent bag fell on me.  Hurt like the dickens.  Instead of asking what happened or make sure that Aaron was okay, I snapped at him with a "THANKS."  I'm never at my best when my thyroid is being a prick.

Even though I've slept so much today, I think I'm going to go back to bed.  I'd like to get some rest and wake up at a semi-decent time to get things done.

Goodnight folks!

Goals for the month of January 2013

Today, I'm dividing up my goals into achievable steps for this month.  Fairly short and sweet!  Making it a single post will make it easier to access and, come the end of the month, I can tally up my successes as well as not-so-successes.  Expect this post to be updated regularly as I work on these goals.  They will now be updated on weekly check-ins!

JANUARY 2013 GOALS

Month is currently 42% over.

CAREER

Hit target number of monthly illustrations. - 43% complete.

Make target income for the month. - 72% complete.

Draw one illustration for myself. - 100% complete.

FINANCIAL

Make target income for the month. - 72% complete.

Keep budget. - 48% complete.

HEALTH

Begin taking thyroid meds - continue for entire month. - 48% complete.

Lose 3 pounds by eating a salad every day and avoiding take-out. - 47% complete.

HOME

Organize my computer. - 100% complete.

KNOWLEDGE

Begin taking thyroid meds - continue for entire month. - 48% complete.

Begin taking supplements - continue for entire month. - 48% complete.

Begin daily mental exercises. - 25% complete.

Read one book. - 35% complete.

PERSONAL

Begin taking thyroid meds - continue for entire month. - 28% complete.

Begin meditating. - 15% complete.

Draw one illustration for myself. - 100% complete.

Lose 3 pounds by eating a salad every day and avoiding take-out. - 47% complete.

Adhere to my planner schedule. - 48% complete.

RELATIONSHIP

Do one date night: Watch movies in. - 100% complete.

SPIRITUAL

Begin meditating. - 15% complete.

Next time: What happens at Girls' Night most certainly doesn't stay at Girls' Night.

What is one goal you have to be completed in January?

2013 Personal Goals: How Depression Led to a Planner

Finally, here we are.  After a week of non-stop posts, I can officially say that this is the last for my Wheel of Life.  Today, I'm chatting about my Personal goals.  Personal goals can mean a variety of things, but what does it mean to me?  Aren't all goals, on some level, personal?

I want to take a moment to discuss 2012.  Remember the first post I made about how disastrous last year was?  Remember that I stated I went through three months of depression?  It seemed so nonchalant in that post to just fly over the word depression, but the truth is in the nightmare I experienced after everything went to pieces.  

In late March, a lot of those horrible events from last year had already occurred.  January was the setting for probably the most terrible month of my life - the month I went to two funerals, the month we almost lost our dog to a medication allergy, the month some kid spun out in our parking lot and nearly totaled our car with little to no insurance.  We'd suffered a huge dent in our savings, so my husband and I were already looking to move out of our nice but somewhat expensive apartment.  Despite having a roommate, we  were still living penny to penny and I was getting frustrated with our overall housing situation.  In fact, I was compiling a list of apartments I had called and was still interested in the day my husband came home with devastating news: he was now unemployed.

It shook my world. There was no reason to keep looking at affordable apartments now.  With the current economy, the chances of my husband finding a supportable job within a month was slim, and my freelancing job, while often supportable, was not a fixed income.  What if, for whatever reason, I didn't get enough commissions one month?  What would we do?  Without saying it, my husband and I both knew the inevitable about our living situation.  

We were moving back home with the parents.

Granted, shortly after that, a beam of light broke through the clouds and we were offered the amazing house rental that we currently enjoy.  I'm not saying that I'm not thankful every day for this opportunity.  What I am saying is that the moment I listed above and everything that happened subsequently broke my spirit to pieces.  Everything my husband and I had worked for every minute of every day for the past four years was thrown to the floor and stomped on.  Stomped on by the economy, stomped on by every event of 2012, and stomped on by my weighted soul.  I don't remember a lot of the first month in this house.  I spent most of it curled into a ball on the bed hoping I'd make it through another day.  I didn't want to set foot on the floor for fear something wrong would happen.  Despite the amazing opportunity we had with the house, the offer would never have been there had we not fallen flat on our faces.  Every moment in these walls reminded me of all of our failures.

To make matters worse, because our insurance was no longer valid, I couldn't afford the tests to keep my levothyroxine going.  That meant I felt even more terrible than I did.  In some ways though, being off of my meds was a blessing.  I often slept through the awful mood swings, sometimes through whole days even, if given the chance.

So that's the long of it.  In short, things went really bad and I recessed to a very dark place.  Did I find the silver lining, realize the amazing gift we'd been given and pick up the pieces?  I did.  But it took three months.  When I finally did come out of it, I wasn't quite the same.  I've never been a perky optimist, but I can't say I've had a permanently dark view on life - not until after those three months.  Anything bad that happened after that would send me back down that dark path - things like my car going to pieces just a few short weeks before I was supposed to drive 500 miles to see my best friend, or my cat suddenly developing liver failure and dying in three days.

Despite having a new outlook for 2013, how would I rate how I feel about myself?  Well, at least it's not as bad as I feel about our finances, but it's certainly not great. And that's what Personal is really all about - what will make me happier and more confident.

Not surprisingly, many of these goals come from other sections of my Wheel, the first being my thyroid medication.  I already mentioned above that the lack of levothyroxine was a proverbial kick in the groin while I was already on the ground, so it almost goes without saying that reintroducing it would lift me back up a little.  That's straight from my Health goals.

What else would make me feel better about myself?  Giving back to my community, from the Spiritual section.  A once-girl who used to volunteer often doesn't feel right as a woman who does nothing for others.  Setting that straight would certainly bring me up a bit.  It would also keep me busy, which keeps my mind from wandering into that dark place I discovered last year.

Next, I needed to protect myself from that dark place.  My spiritual goal of meditation would help me to become right with myself, being at peace with my life and the world.

So I'm medicated, I'm protected and I'm giving back, but what am I doing for myself?  Well, from my Career goals, I'm drawing 12 illustrations just for little ol' me.  Being able to indulge in my life's passion would definitely be a step in the right direction, and one of the only "selfish" things I could do that I'd be completely comfortable with.

Finally, not that I wanted to add appearances, but losing weight would certainly help.  And any kind of exercise is sure to make me feel better - in fact, my weight loss adventure last year is what pulled me out of my depressive funk.  Doing it full time would definitely drive it away.

But I still needed one final goal.  I looked at all of my goals and noticed one thing: I had a lot to do this year if I wanted to 180 my life.  How in the world was I going to get this all done?

I needed a planner.

Tomorrow on The Progressive Planner: Picking out my planner and my "Big Three" goals.

What's one goal you have for 2013 that you know will make you feel better about yourself?