Burn Out

The next time I say, "I'd rather make more money than take a week off this month," just punch me in the face.  Maybe this will be a lesson to me in the future.

I'm burnt out.  I'm behind on work this week because picking up the tablet pen is sometimes flat out painful.  It's like pulling teeth to lay down a few lines.  Honestly, sometimes, I simply don't want to draw.  And that's a problem when it's my job.

I think that's the hardest part about freelancing - you're always "on."  Granted, I know a lot of jobs that are high stress and I'm certainly not saying freelancers have it the worst, but we're pretty high up there.  There's no downtime when we work.  No messing around on the internet, playing games or watching a show.  My husband has Steam and every time I see him play a game while he's at work, I get severely jealous.  Why?  I don't get paid to game.

I get paid for my hard work.  Which means that if I'm not drawing or answering a correspondence e-mail, I'm honestly not getting paid.  Even then, I get paid what I ask.  Sometimes, I misjudge projects.  Sometimes, I just want something to look really good.  Sometimes, I invest extra hours for free.  I know, I know, for shame, but it's part of what I consider being a good illustrator for my clients.

Then there's that whole hypocoma thing I blogged about a few days ago.  Sleep really is my worst enemy.  Sometimes I finally find the will to work only to be thwarted by my eyes dragging.  I don't get much of a choice in the matter.  Once my body's tired, I'm done.  Doesn't matter if I actually go to bed; my husband's found me sleeping on my keyboard on more than one occasion.

That's what happened tonight.  I spent the day taking commissions, so most of my work was correspondence.  I cleaned the house a bit.  Then there was exercise night.  Once the girls left, I went to my parents' to get dinner.  After eating that, I finally sat down to draw and... oh god was I tired.  Food coma, most likely.  Aaron went to bed and I went to cuddle, then woke up this morning at 4 am with this terrible thought:

I have to get all of my commissions for this week done today.

I need some time off.  A week to catch my breath would be great.  Unfortunately, my vacation time doesn't accrue like most people's does.  Mine is defined by how much income I've made over my target monthly goal and if that covers a typical week's work of work.  At this point, I've got a week of vacation covered but that's the thing: it's just a week.  Things tend to go wrong at the worst possible time; I'd hate to take a week off now only to need it later and not have the availability.  Or, there's the possibility I may need to cash it out for something that blows up financially.

My check for Monday's gig will cover half a week and will come in mid-February.  If I can muster up the will to bust my rear, I might find myself with enough pay to cover two weeks by the end of February.  It'd then be much more plausible to take a week off.  In that case, new goal:

Take February 24th - March 3rd off without causing any set-backs to my goals.